It is called Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!” you say. “What do you mean, Holland?” I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!” you say. “What do you mean, Holland?” I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
The pain of that will never, ever, go away… because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things… about Holland.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things… about Holland.
When I read this it touched me so deep. Zeke is such a blessing in my life and I really wouldn't want him any other way. He was and is supposed to be the way he is, and even though I wanted Italy I have found so much joy in Holland. I am so grateful for Zeke and the things he has taught me and will continue to teach me. Zeke is my Holland and I am looking forward to my journey in Holland. I really couldn't have asked for a better baby. Zeke is so full of life and so happy and such a sweet and special spirit. I love him and I love being his mom and I am finding so much joy in this journey to Holland.
6 comments:
I love that story. It is such a good message. Thank you for sharing it. Zeke is one special guy and it sure radiates from him. He is a sweetie. I love the picture. Darling!
so my leg and arm hairs just grew an inch from the goosebumps i just got. what a perfect analogy. enjoy holland!
so my leg and arm hairs just grew an inch from the goosebumps i just got. what a perfect analogy. enjoy holland!
Hi Alex,
This is Danielle McClement, Meredith's sister. Meredith told me to read this post on your blog, and I am so glad I did. Thank you so much for such a heartfelt post and for sharing that story. I hope you don't mind if I post it on my blog. I have two little boys born with cleft lips. My youngest was also born with a cleft of the hard and soft palate and he is tongue tied. Because of these seemingly genetic problems, my husband and I have decided not to have any more children. It's been a difficult decision and almost on a daily basis I find myself thinking "this isn't how I wanted it to be". I'm sure you understand what I am saying. I love the analogy of this story though, because I'm very happy in "Holland" event though it's not what I pictured. Thanks again for the post. Your little boy is so precious and darling. We are so lucky to have stewardship over these amazing spirits. Who knows, maybe in the pre-existence they volunteered to have these struggles. Maybe we volunteered to help them through them. Who knows. Good luck with everything!
Sincerely,
Danielle
I've been reading your blog but never have a chance to comment cuz Drake's always grabbin at the keyboard. That was such a touching story. I think it takes a special kind of person to take care of a child with a disability and I think you are amazing. I can't imagine how hard it would be sometimes, but you are doing such a good job. And you can tell he adores you! I hope you let me know if I can ever do anything to help. Love ya!
I admire you so much! I was so touched by the story too. I just think You and Brandon are such amazing parents. Your tenderness towards eachother really shows when I see all of you together. Zeke is so sweet and he will have all the love and support he could have in his childhood. I think he'll grow to be such a strong person and continue to make you so proud. You have such a positive attitude.
I have a sister in-law with two little twin grandsons with a similar case of hearing loss. She has also said how hard it can be to keep those hearing aids in. The twins are turning 2 yrs this weekend.
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